I almost feel like I lost that thirties something identity because as I look back at those skinny pictures, I am like who is that person. It would be great to be that person again. Then I remember the challenge I am going through and the yo-yo lifestyle. It is having to figure out how to merge my hormonal, hypothyroidism, gastrointestinal  self with the hot healthy self.

It is easy to give up and say I don’t care anymore, it is too hard, I don’t have enough time, or I am too busy. Yes, I have said that at times. But I refuse to give up. I always knew that it was harder for me to lose weight and keep it off. Even in my thirties it took effort to stay skinny, nothing compared to the turtle crossing the road experience I am going through now. I developed a thyroid issue when I was 35. I was super tired, would literally snooze almost during meetings, and could never stop yawning in the late afternoon. Then at night it was like revving up  a mustang, my nervous system going vroom vroom, and yee haw. I would be wide awake at 3pm. I knew something was wrong, so I started pursuing answers. It took me 25 doctors to actually diagnose the issue before they found what it was. Finally, I could start the journey to feel better.

My new turning point lasted about 5 years and I actually lost weight and felt amazing. For the first time in a long time I felt sexy, empowered, and I loved shopping. Then 5 years later that creepy crawler, the 40 gremlins, appeared and changed it yet again. When you turn 40 it is like your whole body goes shhhhhh, we are retiring now, no need to work anymore. Your hormones are like an annoying family member or friend coming to visit and never leaving. Oh yeah and they horde  everything, cause ruckus, and trash your house. That is what my hormones have pretty much done to my body, trashed it.

It has been some exploration  in the last two years, trying to try different things, see different people, trying Paleo, Whole 30, KETO, back to paleo, low card and on and on. To my credit, I don’t give up, I keep trying, keep pulling the thread. I knew that there is an end result out there somewhere, that it cannot be this hard. I felt like there was something wrong, off kilter somewhere and I was missing something. The doctors I was seeing weren’t pulling the thread to be like aha here it is. So, I became my own advocate. I started seeing doctor after doctor, going to see a GI, going to a hormone specialist, going to a Naturopath, seeing a Primary Care, talking to my medical mediums and psychics….and I started to put everything together from all the feedback. It started to paint a picture and gave me an idea of what were the biggest things I need to tackle.

I had to be my own advocate because most people told me I am getting old, it is just stress, slow down, find a new job, welcome to the 40’s. That is not acceptable to me. They say that people are the healthiest in their late 40’s and 50’s so it is possible to get there. I refuse to give up and let these so-called novices be right. I know my body and I know when I am off kilter, and something is not adding up. I have finally been able to find out that there is one condition that I have that could possibly be affecting all of this hormone cray-cray and feeding the gremlin. I have to still continue to pull the thread, find the right support person to be my advocate and hold me accountable when I can’t, try new things and when something does not work, try something else.

I have found how your cortisol levels can wreak havoc and I am not a stressed-out person; my body is just revving at 100 miles an hour and it is like c’mon keep up old lady! So, go get your cortisol checked, go get a full hormone panel test, do a CBC test, check your metabolic numbers, ask for your thyroid medication to be increased, find someone to work with to help you pull those threads and piece it together. My journey is not done but I have realized that no one is ever going to be your health advocate, most will call you crazy for asking to check on certain things. I still have the vision that I will be a hot 40 something again and when I say that I will mean my inner hotness will be like that video by ZZ Top and ” She Has Legs” song.  I love that song when I hear it, I just imagine that inner goddess saying up she has legs and she knows how to use them. All joking aside I know I have to feel loving about my outside and inside body, it is a mutual symbiosis and if that is missing then it is up to me to figure it out. No one will figure it out for me. It is an uncomfortable and expensive journey, but it will be worth it in the end I know it. No one says it better than Martin Luther King Jr: “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”