Ready, Reset, Go…

 In Insights

We all live life through ups and downs, lessons that we say we will never repeat, stories we say will be different, but when do we realize it’s time to rewrite our story? The universe send us signals when something is not aligned with who we are and what is in our highest and best. When we ignore it, it begins to fester like a boiling pot and eventually it spills over to catch our attention.

I can say that is what happened to me. I have been through a plethora of jobs and experiences, some good some bad. I have been trying prove something over the years, that I could make a name for myself with a solid career, well earned money, but in the end each job was just another way to make up for what the other one lacked. In each of these places, people and situations just mirrored back to me what I needed to face. I just chose to ignore it and not realize that these were mirrors that were showing me a little about myself. It took me losing a home from a job that never supported me to realize it was time to peel the onion and let the stench out.

When you peel the onion things come to the surface to be healed but in no way does this mean you are done. It helps with being able to climb to the next prong of the ladder but the universe continues to bring you signs when yet again there is another issue that has surfaced. We as humans tend to stay at the very conscious level of reality and face the small stuff versus going to the core, aka the emotional subconscious level. We fight that annoyingly little voice in our head called Ego who likes to bring all sorts of discomforts, insecurities, and negativity to our existence. Bring out your boxing gloves, you’re going to need it to knock this sucker out! We deal with what we can in chunks at a time or we don’t and it comes full frontal and knock us off our feet. The universe will give us hints and when we are aware, we catch them. I caught as many of them over the years, probably more than most, since I live in the realm of the universe but that by no means makes me complete. I have had my share of stories that I have had to deal with and learn from so I no longer attracted it but there is always that one story that just persists like an annoying gnat that just finds a new place to bite each time.

I finally felt like I came into my own power when I found the career that I felt that I can grow into, that this was the source to rocketing me to the top, give me full access control, and creating the path to my future, all of which that was drilled into my head since I was 15. Negative ghost-rider! The universe had different plans. The job I thought would propel this ended up being the one rocket flare that made me inspect that whole belief system. Where did it come from, who put that there, why did I have to force success to happen because this was the proper way of achieving it?

So now I am faced with peeling that onion to the core, yet again, slashing away with my Joan of Arc sword and getting to the core of it. I want to change the paradigm of my history and reality. Passing the 40 mark tends to make you re-look at your life and get you itching to reclassify your life into something more substantial, actually choose to live the rest of your life in blissful happiness, and to heck with the norms are. In order for this fabulously inspired reality to actually be present in my life, I have had to reexamine that deep subconscious level of mine and inspect the main story of my life that has been my Achilles heel. Most of my life has been traumatic as a child, if not abusive, and this old paradigm has followed me throughout my life….until now. After a major life shifting event like my job exits, it has made me reexamine deep-seated roots that have been there. I have to face the abuse of my past as it has created a false paradigm that finally brought me to my knees. In this place, I have found peace with examining the darkness, pulling the thread to put a name and face to it, and forgiving the instillers who laid the foundation. In this space of complete vulnerability I am ready to completely let go of all my beliefs into the hands of the universe, my angels, and higher self so that I can change this false paradigm made up of abuse and lack to one of prosperity and fulfillment.

We only have one life to leave and we must honor the webs and flows it takes us through because when we are down on our knees is when we realize just what is important, what we want, and what we finally choose to let go of. I am ready to look my saboteur in the face and replace him with a golden cup of ever flowing prosperity and love. This is the onset of my new story and with this complete surrender will come the life I DO DESERVE.

We all started that way, we just got lost along the way.  But, that is what makes the Universe fabulous.

She leads us back to the deserving space we are meant to coexist in!

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